I’ve come to somewhat terrifying realization: I may not want kids.
I was at my sister’s house yesterday and my two-year old niece, Kylie, was sick. We were attempting to give her medicine and it was World War 3. My sister held Kylie while I tried to give her the liquid poison. Kylie’s entire body was tensed and she was stiff like a board. She screamed at the top of her lungs. I would hold her mouth open and put some medicine in, only to have it literally spit into my face. I finally stood up and declared, “I hate kids. I’m not doing this” and walked off.
I went home sobbing because that wasn’t me being dramatic, (except for the hate part) that was me being honest. I’ve never liked kids. I’ve never been drawn to them, even when they are being adorable, like when Kylie sings “Jesus Loves Me.” I’m indifferent to children if not annoyed by them and have no desire to have one of my own, and that scared me. Most girls and women love children and are ecstatic about the thought of one day having their own. I felt like something was missing and that I was less of a woman for not having that same desire that bonds most women.
However, this doesn’t mean I don’t plan on having a family. Once I decided kids may not be a part of my future, I immediately thought of other options. I do picture myself sitting down at dinner with my husband and kids. Lots of kids actually. So I’ve been thinking about the possibility of being a foster parent for older kids, or even adopting older kids. I know I’m still really young and have years to think about it, but it’s been an important discovery nonetheless. I may change my mind but it’s crucial that I understand this about myself: I don’t see myself having the stereotypical family with a husband and several biological children.
I still worry that if I tell people about my realization they will look at me like a freak of nature, or maybe guys wont want to date me because of it. But it’s quickly becoming a new part of my identity and one that I’m choosing to embrace.
I'm the total opposite. I love little kids; I plan on working with them and would like to have a couple of my own one day. But I would never look down on another woman because she DOESN'T want them. And I think any person who would look down on you is so wrong for that. You would be doing a great thing by becoming a foster parent, or adopting older kids. They need homes too, and there are many more of them needing good parents than the little ones. I applaud you for your decision, and you should be proud of it. :)
ReplyDeletePS: thanks for sharing the medicine story...I did the exact same thing when I was little, so it made me laugh. I don't know how my mom stood it haha.